Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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