why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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