dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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