My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Shame - the story of my life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
