if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
