took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
