I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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