I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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