a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
