Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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