your parents love me but you hate me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
