12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
