the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
