She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
