I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
