my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
