Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
