apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
