just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
