Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
