My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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