His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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