When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
