alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
