Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
