I'm drive I can fine osifer
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
