Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
