Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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