nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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