Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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