i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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