just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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