If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
