hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
