my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
