An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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