After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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