literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
