My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
