If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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