just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
