I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
