Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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