He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I AM VODKA MAN
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
