All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
