I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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