The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
