But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Couch. On fire.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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