I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You left your phone here
Wait...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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