oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
