One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
