If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
